Zombie
12-23-2000, 09:38 AM
As part of my court-mandated community service, I have put together this serving guide that you may find helpful in preparing for your next date.
I wanted to talk to you all about your meat. This is a very important topic; paying attention to your meat is critical to ensuring a safe and pleasant serving experience. When you are serving someone, you want to know that your meat is top quality, and in top condition.
First off, I simply cannot stress enough the importance of washing your hands after handling your raw meat. Now, I know what you all are saying. You're saying, but Zombie, there's nothing wrong with my meat. My meat is clean! But you're wrong. Remember, other people have been handling your meat. They've had their hands on your meat, and although some have worn gloves to handle your meat, others have not! Frankly, you don't really know where your meat has been.
Pounding your meat is a step that many people overlook. Your meat can become quite tender after pounding it thoroughly. Pound you meat vigorously to get the maximum benefit from this age-old technique.
Now you're ready to heat things up and really get cooking! If you are unsure of what to do here, you can get instructions from your local meat specialist. They can show you the proper handling of your meat. Instructions will vary by size and type of meat. Depending on the size of your meat you may need to allow extra time for your meat to be ready to serve. Remember, it's not just a matter of 'stuffing it into a hot box.' Timing is everything!
The appearance of your meat and how you display it is very important. Nobody wants a piece of meat just thrown at them, you must offer your meat with a flair of style. Buns are wonderful to serve with meat, and are great to look at when serving. As a side note, be careful when forking; forking injuries can be painful and a little embarassing.
Follow these tips, and as you watch your meat slide between your date's lips, you'll feel confident that you are giving her the very best you have to offer. And last but certainly not least, make sure you don't forget the condiments!
This has been a public service message from your friend Zombie.
I wanted to talk to you all about your meat. This is a very important topic; paying attention to your meat is critical to ensuring a safe and pleasant serving experience. When you are serving someone, you want to know that your meat is top quality, and in top condition.
First off, I simply cannot stress enough the importance of washing your hands after handling your raw meat. Now, I know what you all are saying. You're saying, but Zombie, there's nothing wrong with my meat. My meat is clean! But you're wrong. Remember, other people have been handling your meat. They've had their hands on your meat, and although some have worn gloves to handle your meat, others have not! Frankly, you don't really know where your meat has been.
Pounding your meat is a step that many people overlook. Your meat can become quite tender after pounding it thoroughly. Pound you meat vigorously to get the maximum benefit from this age-old technique.
Now you're ready to heat things up and really get cooking! If you are unsure of what to do here, you can get instructions from your local meat specialist. They can show you the proper handling of your meat. Instructions will vary by size and type of meat. Depending on the size of your meat you may need to allow extra time for your meat to be ready to serve. Remember, it's not just a matter of 'stuffing it into a hot box.' Timing is everything!
The appearance of your meat and how you display it is very important. Nobody wants a piece of meat just thrown at them, you must offer your meat with a flair of style. Buns are wonderful to serve with meat, and are great to look at when serving. As a side note, be careful when forking; forking injuries can be painful and a little embarassing.
Follow these tips, and as you watch your meat slide between your date's lips, you'll feel confident that you are giving her the very best you have to offer. And last but certainly not least, make sure you don't forget the condiments!
This has been a public service message from your friend Zombie.