Sex With Kids

[Koliedrus]

Got your attention didn't I, you sick little monkey.

No, I'm talking about methods of doing the nasty with your spouse or significant other when you have children in the vicinity.

Every child wonders what those strange noises are when their parents are alone. The occasional quicky can turn into a traumatic experience for all involved without proper planning. I've been on both sides of the experience so I am certain that the advice gained in this thread will prove to be priceless. If nothing else it'll help me get some leg more often http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/wink.gif

Since my kids are under 5 years old, it's necessary to situate THEM before WE can get serious.

Cartoons on the tube and a shoe+towel in the dryer have been gifts from the Maker.

Aside from duct-taping the little...

er...

...Angels http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/wink.gif to a tree, how would you suggest that I go about planning an encounter?

I'm sure I don't have to tell you to share your experiences but looky there! I just did http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif



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Character is like a fence - it cannot be strengthened by whitewash.

[Koliedrus]

Yes I have. But if my wife finds out, I'm doomed.

Edit: Doomed does not equal screwed http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/wink.gif

[This message has been edited by Koliedrus (edited 12-28-2000).]

[Eliss]

++++++

[Koliedrus]

Originally posted by Eliss:
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We tried that. Can't figure out how to keep them in there without all that whiney-ass screaming and the police ruining the moment

Thanks, though http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Mudflap]

I'm not married and I have zero children, but me and my girlfriend have discussed this a couple of times.

She's a moaner. Loud moaner. Me...I like to pound it hard...and audibly.

Once after particularly wild and loud romp in the proverbial hay, she asked me what we would do when we were married and had kids.

I drew a blank.

How much money would be involved in sound-proofing a bedroom?

I expect you guys to have this problem solved before I find myself in Kol's predicament. Get to work.

[King Bastard]

It all depends on how much space you are willing to sacrifice Mudflap. You COULD tear the sheetrock off the walls, slap some R-19 insulation batts in between the studs, and go get this stuff called soundbaord. It basically stops sounds from vibrating the studs, which conduct the sounds thru the walls. All in all kinda pricey, but if the two of ya are THAT loud.... you might want to look into it

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I'm a firm beliver in a ruling class, especially since I rule: Randall Graves-Clerks

[TokenCracker]

my mother told me to listen to my music loud.. while she was having sex with my uncle http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif this was two weeks ago http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Mudflap]

Please tell me the uncle was not her brother. Your post gave me the heebie jeebies.

[Mr. Snrub]

Soundproofing is the most foolproof way. But then, if you fuck like i do there will still be the problem of the bedhead thumping into the wall. The best method is to simply get the little shits out of the house. That's why God invented school, IMO. Other than that, perhaps you should introduce your children to the sheer fun that is being locked in a little box.
If they DO discover you, always remember the brilliant disarming phase that will ensure the kiddies minds don't start along the wrong track:

"Stupid daddy, trying to sleep on top of mummy!"

[Koliedrus]

Snrubby, you must be a mindreader. Yesterday, we decided to farm the kids out to daycare and spend the day together. As soon as I can walk again I'll get started hosing down the walls.

[Mudflap]

Originally posted by Koliedrus:
As soon as I can walk again I'll get started hosing down the walls.

http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/eek.gif http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/eek.gif http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/eek.gif



[This message has been edited by Mudflap (edited 12-29-2000).]

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Tarryn's room locks from the outside http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif...just kidding, he does have a lock, but I have never used it, tempting though. Call me boring, but I only have sex when he is asleep, or at his fathers.

Have you ever been busted by your kids?

[King Bastard]

By7 Kyle, no. But it was a bit unnerving to have my mom walk in on me a nd a HS girlfriend going beserk... My silly ass yelled at her to go and make me some food. I swear, I used to be such a prick.

Yeah yeah, I know. what do i mean "used to be".....

[TokenCracker]

you mentioned that before, but you really told your mom to go make you food? what did you and your girlfriend do after she went to the kitchen? http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/confused.gif pullout? http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Asmodeus]

Now what really gives you the heebie jeebies is when you are going at it with a girlfriend, or in my case at the time, an aquaintence I had met about an hour before hand...anyway, when you are going at it quite nicely and thinking you are alone in the house and her girlfriend walks in wearing a strap-on quite a bit larger than your own equipment then tells you to get off her. And I quote, "That's my pussy." Call me a prude but I was annoyed. They wouldn't even let me watch.

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Good shot...shoot him again.

[Koliedrus]

Originally posted by MuffyTheVampyreLayer:
Have you ever been busted by your kids?

My own? No.

Long ago in a far away land, there lived an evil mommy with a killer ass and magical tits.

One day, Kol had too much to drink and fell under the mommy's evil spell. The wicked mommy forced him to play "push-push" over and over.

Suddenly, the door opened and a voice said, "Mommy? What are you doing?"

The wicked mommy caught her breath and replied, "Just talking. Go back to bed."

"I HATE YOU!", came the answer just before the door slammed.

Kol decided that there are some disadvantages to being a motherfucker.

He quickly finished his work, grabbed his pants and never called the evil mommy again.

The End


[This message has been edited by Koliedrus (edited 12-30-2000).]

[Koliedrus]

Originally posted by Asmodeus:
Now what really gives you the heebie jeebies is when you are going at it with a girlfriend, or in my case at the time, an aquaintence I had met about an hour before hand...anyway, when you are going at it quite nicely and thinking you are alone in the house and her girlfriend walks in wearing a strap-on quite a bit larger than your own equipment then tells you to get off her. And I quote, "That's my pussy." Call me a prude but I was annoyed. They wouldn't even let me watch.



YOW!!!! Tell me her name wasn't Paula.

[Asmodeus]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Koliedrus:
[B] YOW!!!! Tell me her name wasn't Paula.

To tell the truth, I didn't even get the name of the one I was having fun with. But, I will tell you this, if you frquent Rick's On the Square, you will probably have the opportunity to meet one or the other. Though, they don't share...



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Good shot...shoot him again.

[King Bastard]

Actually token, I just did my job, went upstairs, and ate like a king (for the second time that day)...


Like I said, I used to be quite the evil prick. Now, I'm more like Neutral Chaotic....

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I'm a firm beliver in a ruling class, especially since I rule: Randall Graves-Clerks

[VenoM]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by RogueWarrior:
Kol...have you considered a BABYSITTER and a HOTEL ROOM?

Just a thought, old boy. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif[/quote]

Kol, u could always show them a pic of RW and his gun and say "This will be ur new babysitter if u can't stay in ur rooms." <IMG SRC="http://boards.gamers.com/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif" border=0>






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<IMG SRC="http://www.v3n0m.com/venomsig.bmp" border=0>

[Princess_Heather]

My sister and I used to get dumped off at Grandmas for the weekend.

I don't have kids, but if I did I'd prolly try the following:

Take a shower together in the morning if they're still sleeping.

Do it after you put 'em to bed.

Arrange for a sitter or trusted adult to take the kids out for icecream or a movie. Pay them of course.

Those are the only things I would do. I wouldn't feel comfortable distracting them with cartoons or toys and leaving them unsupervised while they play. Most children can't do much damage while they're sleeping so I'd take advantage of that opportunity...

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<FONT COLOR="black">................</FONT c> Red on the Head... Fire in the Hole.
<IMG SRC="http://public1.collegeclub.com/MatchUPictures/1661/pic_421661.gif" border=0>

[This message has been edited by Princess_Heather (edited 01-21-2001).]

[Koliedrus]

I have two choices right now:

1: Go get some

b. Don't


Bye http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Mudflap]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Koliedrus:
I have two choices right now:

1: Go get some

b. Don't


Bye http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif[/quote]

<FONT COLOR="Orange">How was it?</FONT c>

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If you build it, they will come.

[Koliedrus]

Energetic, passionate, satisfying...

When both of the sprats fell asleep, we locked eyes and communicated our intent without a word.

Damn! I'm trying to think of the right words and it's just giving me a boner!

Part of the excitement was our having to sneak and keep the noises out of earshot.

Yeah, it was all that http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif